There are few things in the world that hurt more than hearing your child say, “I hate you.” 

Our child's words can cut deep.

We would literally sacrifice everything for our kids and they are yelling that they hate us?

Here is the good news. When kids yell harsh words this is actually a good thing. But before we get there, we need to look inwards about how these moments impact us as parents.

When your child screams:

“I hate you, you are the worst parent ever”  

“I wish you were dead”

“You’ve ruined my life”

“You’re a poo poo head”

These words leave us feeling hurt.

Then we worry… “would I have dared speak to my parents that way?”

Which can lead to more anxiety about whether we are actually failing at raising a good kid, a kid who respects their elders.

This is a spiral that can have us responding in ways that don’t help like yelling, over reacting or using...

Most parents really struggle with the idea of their kids struggling socially because we all relate to that feeling of being left out.

When your child comes home and says they are sad about the fact that no-one played with them today. As parents this can be one of the most triggering things to hear, bringing up feelings of being left out we can quickly and easily go to wanting to fix or solve it pronto.

Common responses might sound like:

1. “Tell me their names! I am calling your teacher immediately and we are going to tell all of their parents”; or
2. “If I’ve told you once I’ve told you twice, if you don’t share and work to get along these kids will leave you out!”
3. “You’re fine, just play with someone else when that happens.”
4. “Just tell them “sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me”

We kind of know neither of these reactions are what our kids need, but sometimes they just pop out.

...

What if I told you that one of the best ways to have your child feeling seen, safe and loved AND to re-set a day with your child lies in one-on-one play?

What if I added that this doesn’t need it add to your mental load, it doesn’t need to take all day and actually that 10 minutes is enough to fill your child emotional cup, help them regulate emotions and learn about their world?

One of the things that defines human development is the slow rate of emotional maturity in our kids. Our children will be 25-28 years of age before our children are fully emotionally developed. This can feel a long way off when you are at home with a toddler or pre-schooler who is having a lot of big feelings.

One of the challenges for the modern parent is there are periods of time when our kids seem to be seeking us out more than others. Especially though early childhood when toddlers and pre-schoolers seem to be ‘acting out’ struggling with transitions (hello bath time struggles??)...

When little kids have big feelings, it can be extra confusing because it often appears to be about something that makes ‘no sense’….

Like snatching whatever the baby touches then completely falling apart when corrected....

Or having a complete public meltdown because they didn’t get to push button in a lift.

When I was around 10 days postpartum with my fourth child my two year old asked me for a banana. As I was peeling the banana I did what you should never, ever do to a toddler.

I accidentally BROKE IT IN HALF.

Anyone who has known a two year old knows this is an absolute no no when it comes to toddlers.

My son was devastated….

He was screaming over and over: “Banana broken”.

I didn't have anymore bananas so I initially tried to console him with logic…. “it tastes just the same”

Then facts… “Look in the bowl - I have apples, but I don’t have any more bananas”

 I tried to fix it:...

This weekend following the absolutely horrific events at Bondi Westfield many parents may want help with whether to tell their kids about what happens and if so, what is the best way to do that.

When events happen both in Australia, and globally it is understandable when parents feel confused about how much we should protect our kids from these events.  

One very strong instinct is to completely shield them from it. When it comes to the news and social media, we are right to limit what our kids see right now simply because their brains are not able to process these images in the way we can as adults.

Just like the quick thinking and courageous dad who protected his children by physically shielded his children’s eyes with eye masks. This is a reminder to all of us that our kids who may see images on the news, or though social media that they won’t be able to ‘un-see’ and we should absolutely strive to protect our kids from these potentially distressing...

We all know that little kids have BIG feelings.......but what about us?

Sometimes we lose it too.

Sometimes BIG people have BIG feelings. 

Despite our very best intentions.

I’ve yet to meet a parent that doesn’t loose it sometimes.

It might be in the kitchen at 5 pm trying to cook dinner....

With two small humans that WONT GET OFF YOUR LEGS.

Who are not responding to redirection no matter what you try. 

A hot frying pan cooking dinner that could hurt someone, one of the kids cries, another child asks to be picked up which isn’t safe while cooking and BOOM you lose it.

You snap, or freeze, or yell…..

And then you feel terrible.....

The good news is our kids do not need perfect parents who don’t make mistakes. In fact, evidence shows they begin to learn from their mistakes by watching us learn from ours.

It’s totally ok that you lose it. You are human.

There isn't a parent on earth that doesn't muck up. 

Kids don't need...

I was chatting to the most gorgeous new dad of a newborn baby girl this week. He was overjoyed to be a new father…learning to swaddle, supporting his partner, and absolutely smitten with his baby. There was one thing he was struggling the most with… constant worry about getting it wrong.

 He told me this:

‘the highs are so high, and there are really low lows, it’s a rollercoaster - but the hardest part of all is when she cries and we can’t help her or when feeding is hard and then this worry creeps in that maybe we are already stuffing everything up’.

Nothing could have prepared this dad for the underlying, nagging worry that maybe somehow despite trying his best he was already ‘getting it wrong.’ 

I reflected that in the last five years within the hospital environment I am seeing more and more parents who feel so worried, so heightened, so anxious about 'getting it wrong' before they've even begun. 

 And the...

My son who is no longer a toddler started year 7 this year.

A big change with lots to adjust to. Around week three one Friday afternoon out of nowhere my happy go lucky, cruisy, resilient 12-year-old burst into tears over the smallest thing.

The likes of which I hadn’t seen since he was a toddler… and he wasn’t able to just pull it together despite the fact the timing wasn’t ideal.

I was a little surprised at first, and I remembered this same thing happening when my eldest started year 7. In times of change we can often see kids pushed to their emotional limits.

I knew what to do: to let him cry and let him know that adjusting to high school is huge, and feeling exhausted and emotional makes sense.  

 Later I shared with him that I bet lots of kids were feeling the same about now and that I too remember the struggle as I adjusted to year 7.

This is all true, I do remember how tiring year 7 was and I also know from experience of raising my...

For most parents with young kids, Christmas Day can be unpredictable. Sure, we love the idea of the presents, Santa, the time with family and friends, but the reality of the day can wind up with its challenges when our little kids miss the memo and wind up struggling with new food, new faces a lack of sleep and a load of sugar!

When we think about it, it makes sense: From an exciting morning opening presents from Santa, to gathering with family and friends, and potentially traveling to multiple places our kids, who really prefer the rhythm and routine of a standard day can wind up feeling overwhelmed and all it takes is their cousin to touch their new toy truck and its game over!

The key to a smoother Christmas with toddlers and kids may be as simple of lowering OUR expectations.

Read on for my top five tips for bringing more peace and joy to your home at Christmas.

1. Prepare as though you are EXPECTING them to struggle

 So often we forget that change and new environments...

As 2023 rapidly draws to a close there are many kids and parents starting to get exited and maybe a little nervous as they embark on their journey into formal education. AKA 'BIG school.'

The excitement builds as we farewell pre-school with end of year concerts and as we purchase new uniforms, huge backpacks, and new name label stickers for drink bottles and lunch boxes. We say 'bye' to daycare fees (hooray!) And hello to school readers and a whole new system of doing things. However, for many kids and parents the anticipation of big school can have us a bit nervous. 

The nerves make sense. For parents it’s a big step into our child being more independent, and it can be emotional seeing your baby, in their new uniform, hidden under the enormous school hat and huge backpack that you can’t ever imagine will fit them. We worry – will they fit in? What if they need help, will they be able to ask?

For our kids it’s a time of much excitement and some...