One of the reasons I recon we have more than one child is to give our kids a mate. Someone to be there as they grow, a friend who will help them move house one day and hopefully be there for them long after we’ve gone. Then we find ourselves in the middle of constant bickering, fighting and putdowns, and as parents we can start to wonder if they will ever get along.

The arguing over toys. The complaints about who got more ice cream. The constant cries of “he’s touching me” or “she’s looking at me weird”. Some days it can be enough to make us want to move out ourselves and leave them to it!

For many parents the instinct is immediate and understandable. We step in quickly and ask the question that seems most logical in the moment.

Who started it?

We want fairness. We want the problem solved. We want the fighting to stop.

Or we jump straight onto the protagonist, often the older child but not always, who we feel should “know better”, and ask them why they insist on breaking the rules...

Most parents will be familiar with the sound of siblings fighting, bickering and squabbling; the build up of tension is often audible from another room, soon enough one child is yelling, “THAT’S MINE!” …. The scream and then very often…. a WHACK.    

 When I work with parents of two or more kids and ask about the thing they are struggling with the most in their family life the number one answer is siblings fighting.

 One of the greatest hopes many parents have is for their children to be friends. Beyond not enjoying the constant sound of screaming & bickering on a day-to-day basis many parents share a deeper hope that the humans they’re raising will - one day - be there for each other when we are not.

 Our subconscious vision is for siblings who will be allies for life, a shoulder to cry on, someone to help you move house, share adventures with and even be a best man or maid of honour at a wedding.

A friend who will always be there.

And then we find ourselves knee deep in pare...