How to Talk Through the Unspeakable: 5 Ways to Support Your Child After the Bondi Mass Shooting

The conversation no parent ever wants to have.

In the wake of the horrific attack in Bondi, many parents are asking the same question: How could this happen, and how do I talk to my child about something so shocking, violent, and upsetting?

I know, as a mum to four, I wish I didn’t have to talk to my kids about this. I desperately want my kids to live in a world where this isn’t a reality.

But I also know that this isn’t possible, and it’s much better that they have this conversation with me than with friends or the internet.

The biggest thing I want all parents to know is this: none of us feel confident or sure about the right way to talk to kids about something so awful. It makes complete sense to feel out of your depth. Most of us are shaken ourselves.

But the truth is, if you go gently, start with connection, listen to your instincts about what your child needs, and go slowly, you will be exactly what your child needs in this moment.

Kids don’t need us to get the words perfectly right in these moments. They just need to know we are with them in their emotions, and that there is no right or wrong way to have this conversation.

For anyone seeking some guidance, here are some tips for where to start:

1. Begin with curiosity

Many children have already become aware of what happened through the news playing in the background, something a friend said at school, or snippets picked up from social media. Kids can even pick up on our emotions without actually hearing anything, and when that happens, without us filling in some gaps, they tend to piece together what they think might have happened.

It’s better to hear it from us.

The best place to start is to get a sense of what they know, have heard, or seen. This gives you a solid place to begin.

A good place to begin is with a question.

Ask:
“What have you heard?”
“What do you know about what happened?”

2. Keep it honest and clear

Answer questions honestly, directly, and in an age-appropriate way. Keep your language simple. Let the conversation unfold naturally rather than turning it into a one-off “big talk.” Silence is okay too — sometimes children need time to process before they respond.

It’s also worth knowing that not all children will react straight away. Some may seem unaffected, only to ask questions or show big feelings days or even weeks later — often at bedtime or in the car. This doesn’t mean you got it wrong. It simply means they are processing in their own time.

The wording you use will depend on your child’s age and what they already know.

For younger children, keep it brief and reassuring:

“Some bad people hurt a lot of people at Bondi. It would have been scary for everyone who was there. The police have caught the people, and there is no more danger. The ambulance officers, doctors, nurses, and lifeguards worked very hard to help the people who were hurt. It makes sense if this feels sad or scary — I feel sad too. If you have questions or want to talk more, you can always come to me.”

For older children, listening becomes even more important — particularly given what they may have heard through friends or social media. They need honesty, spoken calmly and clearly. This includes naming the truth:

“People came to hurt Jewish families who were celebrating Hanukkah. This was a vicious attack, and it is called antisemitism.”

It’s okay, and important, to acknowledge the emotions that come with this:

“It makes sense to feel scared or angry about this. What happened was wrong and deeply upsetting. I feel angry and sad too.”

Naming injustice helps children make sense of the world without carrying confusion or self-blame.

3. You don’t need to protect your child from emotions

One of the biggest misconceptions in parenting is that our job is to shield children from hard feelings. It isn’t. Our job is to sit alongside them in those feelings so they don’t have to carry them alone.

Fear, sadness, anger, and confusion are normal responses to something like this. Allowing space for those emotions without rushing to fix them or make them disappear is what helps children process and feel safe. You don’t need the perfect words.

Because this event has affected so many of us deeply, it’s okay — and often helpful — to talk to another adult first. Processing some of what you are feeling before you sit down with your kids can help you feel grounded enough to be the calm, steady presence they need.

4. Focus on safety, and look for the helpers

Kids need reassurance that they are safe. We can do that by keeping routines happening and reminding them that everyone is safe now.

It’s also okay to limit news exposure — for your child and for yourself. Constant replaying of distressing footage can heighten fear without adding understanding. Protecting your child’s nervous system, and your own, is not avoidance; it’s care.

The other thing we can do is focus kids on the helpers — the lifeguards, the doctors, the strangers. You can talk to your kids about how we can help too, by donating blood or checking in on neighbours or friends.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers — so many caring people in this world.” — Fred Rogers

5. You are enough

In moments like these, parents often doubt themselves. We worry we might say the wrong thing, create fear, or make it worse.

But your child doesn’t need you to have all the answers. They need you — calm enough to listen, honest enough to help them name what’s hard, and loving enough to sit with them while they feel it.

And if you stumble over your words, feel overwhelmed, or wish you’d said something differently, you can always come back and repair. Parenting through moments like this isn’t about getting it right the first time; it’s about staying connected over time.

Connection is the protective factor that makes all the difference.

If you go gently, create space, and stay open — irrespective of what you say — you are doing exactly what they need.