High Low Buffalo – The Power of a Daily Connection Ritual
If you’ve ever picked your child up from school and asked “How was your day?” only to hear “fine” or “nothing,” you’re not alone. Many parents feel excited to reconnect with their kids at the end of the day only to feel shut out by one word answers. It can feel like getting blood from a stone.
I get this all too well. As a mum to four boys, I wasn’t sure if maybe my kids just didn’t have much to say or just didn’t want to talk.
It turns out this is all about brain development. Kids open up best when the pressure is low, when there is humour or silliness, and when the structure is predictable, and everyone gets a turn to share. That’s where a daily ritual like High Low Buffalo can really get kids opening up.
This idea isn’t new.
Reflecting on the day has existed for centuries in different forms. At its core, it’s simply about noticing what felt good, what felt hard, and what stood out. In our family, we call this High Low Buffalo. Each person shares a high from their day, a low from their day, and a buffalo, something random, surprising, funny, or interesting. It’s simple, playful, and incredibly effective. It’s also the inspiration behind the High Low Buffalo connection cards, which I created to help families build this habit of connection into everyday life.
In our house it all started a few years ago when my hubby Andy came home from a team building day where they had played High Low Buffalo and he noticed how well it worked at work. He suggested we try it at home. It worked instantly and the boys all enjoyed it so much they would request that we do it every night.
Here is what we noticed immediately. The boys all really looked forward to it. We started to really enjoy dinner more, and it took the and it reduced conflict and improved the bond between our four boys.
Children don’t always have the language or skills to talk about their day without a little structure. A predictable ritual makes it easier. When kids talk about their highs and lows, they begin to reflect on their experiences, understand their emotions, build resilience around challenges, and feel seen and heard.
They learn that a day can hold both wonderful and difficult moments at the same time, and that both are safe to talk about. For parents, these conversations offer a window into a child’s world. You might hear about a friendship struggle you didn’t know about, something they’re proud of, or a small moment that mattered deeply to them. These conversations don’t have to be long to be meaningful.
One of the most important parts of a daily debrief is remembering that you don’t have to solve everything that comes up. When children share a low moment, they’re usually looking for connection, not solutions. A simple response like “That sounds hard,” “Tell me more,” or “I’m glad you told me” can be far more powerful than trying to fix the problem immediately. Over time, kids learn that their feelings are safe with you, even the messy ones.
Not every child will jump into this right away. One of my boys is on the quiet side and at first he found it hard to be on the spot or think of what to say, and would often ‘skip’ some of the questions. When you can allow kids time and space the ritual works like magic because the repetition makes it easier for them to share, in no time he shared to really open up and we’ve had moments where he’s shared some hugh challenges I don’t think he would have without the help of High Low Buffalo.
You don’t need to do it every day. Some days everyone forgets. Some days we only do a high or a low but not both. That’s okay. Connection rituals work because of consistency, not perfection. Keeping the mood light and low pressure helps kids engage over time. The buffalo question often becomes the favourite because kids love sharing random facts, funny moments, standing on one leg while reciting all the colours they can name, or surprising things they learned. Sometimes the parent sharing first is what gets everyone else talking.
Modern family life is busy. Between school, work, sport, homework, and screens, it’s easy for meaningful conversation to slip away. That’s why I created the High Low Buffalo cards to make connection simple and doable in the middle of real life. They help spark conversations at the dinner table, in the car, at bedtime, after school, or on family walks. Connection doesn’t come from big, perfect parenting moments. It grows through small, repeated conversations that tell kids I see you, I care about your world, and you matter to me.
Tonight, try asking just three questions. What was your high today? What was your low today? What’s your buffalo? That’s all you need to start building a family ritual that strengthens connection, emotional awareness, and resilience one small conversation at a time.
To find out more or order your cards visit https://www.highlowbuffalo.com.au/
