The Science of Grandparent Love: Why Intergenerational Play Benefits Everyone
If you had a grandparent or a grandparent figure in your life growing up, do you remember what they played with you as a kid? Do you remember the stories they told? The games you played together?
Chances are you remember glimmers. I can remember my grandfather reading to me at night and singing a song about a grandfather clock. My grandma always had bikkies waiting for us. I have flashes of horsie rides and peekaboo, and cousins always around they are hazy flickers that sit somewhere deep in my memory.
I don’t remember all the details of what we played. What I remember most is the feeling – of being seen, safe, and loved.
A Village That Holds Us
My four boys have been lucky enough to have four involved grandparents. I have memories of my mum and dad taking my boys off my hands to “look at the trees” when witching hour as a young mum was feeling far too intense. I remember my parents taking the time to read Where is the Green Sheep again and again, or play peekaboo for what felt like hours.
I remember my mother-in-law playing with vintage LEGO DUPLO she’d kept from raising her own four kids – and getting on the floor to build towers and engage with my boys. My father-in-law has played a vital role in the running of our house and has had a regular shift for years taking one of our boys to swimming each week.
I am fully aware that I wouldn’t be the mum to four boys that I am without this team of supporters that kept showing up. That cheered on our kids no matter what. The help of our boys’ grandparents has been fundamental, but it’s the relationship that matters most. Having a grandparent or grandparent figure in your corner who loves you no matter what.
I often wonder what the impact will be for my boys of having loving, involved grandparents. What will they then pass down to their own kids, or grandkids, from these relationships?
It’s timely to ask this question too because in Australia, 63% of grandparents with a grandchild aged under 10 years provide some form of childcare. Grandparents are – even more than in the past – a vital part of the modern parenting village.
Parenting today looks very different from a generation ago. Families are busier, parents work longer hours, and that easy sense of community many of us grew up with is harder to find. Many grandparents are playing a big role in holding the village together.
Grandparents offer time, patience, and the wisdom of experience – gifts children need now more than ever.
Parenting may have changed with more information, more pressure, and more overwhelm, but kids haven’t. They still need what they always have: play, connection, boundaries, and love. Grandparents are beautiful at this.
The Gifts Grandparents Bring
Better health and wellbeing
Having just one loving grandparent or grandparent figure involved brings big social and emotional outcomes for kids. The warmth and support from grandparents are associated with better social and emotional outcomes by age seven, with lower rates of depression and anxiety in children and adolescents.
And the benefits extend beyond children. Studies show that when families have even one loving, involved grandparent, parents experience lower rates of postnatal depression and children show better long-term mental health.
When grandparents play with kids it has a profound effect on their grandchildren’s development. Their involvement supports cognitive and verbal development, mental health, and overall wellbeing. Children develop social, emotional and language skills and learn gentleness, respect, and acceptance.
The biggest benefit of all is that there is something different about being loved by a grandparent because it’s empathetic.
Researchers from Emory University in Georgia scanned the brains of 50 grandmothers using MRI as they looked at photos of their grandchildren aged between three and twelve. They were also shown photos of children and adults they did not know, and photos of their own grown children – the parents of those same grandchildren.
As the images of the grandkids flicked past, the parts of the brain linked to emotional empathy, movement, and motor simulation lit up with activity. When grandparents viewed pictures of their grandchild, they were really feeling what the grandchild was feeling. When the child showed joy, they felt joy. Pure empathy in action.
The evidence is clear: grandparents don’t just make family life easier; they make it richer, happier, and healthier for everyone involved.
But What About Grandparents? Do They Benefit Too?
For grandparents, those hours spent reading, building LEGO towers, or kicking a ball in the park are linked to sharper cognition, better mood, and longer life expectancy.
Through play, grandparents can pass down traditions, life lessons, and cultural values to younger generations. These stories form a sense of identity and belonging for kids and families, but they also give a sense of purpose and meaning to grandparents.
But it goes deeper – intergenerational play supports improved mood, memory, and health through active participation and connection to community. The benefits for grandparents are just as big as the ones our kids feel. They feel valued, connected, and purposeful.
Play reduces isolation, boosts self-esteem, and even improves cognitive and physical health.
How Grandparents Can Make the Most of Intergenerational Play
- Serve and Return.
Like a game of tennis, play involves a back-and-forth interaction that allows children to process and respond. When a child babbles, asks a question, or shows you something, respond warmly. This back-and-forth is how brains grow. - Delight in Them.
It’s your steady presence that helps kids the most with play. Grandparents are so good at this as they often have fewer demands or pressure to “grow kids up.” Without that pressure to “get it right,” they can simply enjoy grandkids. This delight is profoundly protective for children. Grandparents get to love kids no matter what, it's judgement free and that's what kids remember. - Allow Feelings and Struggle.
You don’t have to fix big emotions. Your calm presence is enough. Try narrating the feelings out loud: “Yeah, this is tricky,” without jumping in to fix or solve things. - Old Meets New.
Share games from your childhood and let them teach you theirs – peekaboo or Mario Kart both build connection. There is so much joy in this shared experience. - Be Playfully Cheeky.
Sneak a chocolate after dinner or an ice cream at the park. That’s part of the magic.
The Feelings that Stay
Thinking back to my own grandparents – I remember them reading. I remember them singing. But most of all, I remember belonging.
With them, I was loveable, funny, and “enough” just as I was. If someone was mean to me at school, my grandmother would threaten, with a twinkle in her eye, to “punch them in the nose.” She was barely five-foot-nothing, but it made me laugh every time and it made me feel safe. Someone was in my corner.
And that’s what we carry from our grandparents. Not the exact stories or games – those fade with time. What stays is the feeling. The sense that we were worth someone’s time. That we mattered. That we were deeply, unconditionally loved.
When I look at my brood with their grandparents now that’s what I see most clearly. Their steady presence. The empathy. Not rushing, coaching or teaching – just enjoying and delighting in their grandkids.
I think that’s what will stay with my boys. Because long after the stories are forgotten, the feeling of being cherished stays forever.
Connected Parenting is founded by Gen Muir, Obstetric Social Worker, Parent Educator and mum to four boys with a passion for helping parents in the first five years of raising kids.
With the experience of working with over 40,000 parents though her work at the Mater and privately, Gen has a great understanding of the real challenges facing modern parents.
